These are a few handy hints I have come up with over the years.

They may need some slight adjustments to suit your own situation

and I will deny everything in a court of law.

Resy... Receye..Using stuff again!!!

If your father or mother-in-law has knee replacements, find out descretely if they are made of titanium. If they are you are in luck. Titanium can withstand tremendous amounts of heat so when the time comes you will be able to get them cremated and recycle those knees by putting them on Trade Me. You could do the same thing if they are not to be cremated but retrieving them tends to be a bit messy and there could be some moral issues. I would shy away from this idea because your wifes family could be a bit touchy as well.

Diving For Seafood

Here in New Zealand we like our seafood and for me Paua or Abalone is right up there, but things have changed over the years. Them bureaucrat type people have changed the laws and introduced quotas and all sorts of regulations which can be very confusing for a bloke like me who just wants to go and get a feed every now and then. They pay these inspector blokes who turn up from time to time with a ruler to check your bag. If he finds some Paua that he describes as undersize, all you do is tell him those are the dehydrated ones. WC gave me this idea but I found it doesn’t work with Crayfish.

How to get rid of wrinkles

This has been an age old problem for women over the centuries but I have began to notice in todays changing world, sadly, it's becoming a concern for a lot of males as well.

I have the solution.

All you have to do is count the wrinkles you want to get rid of and multiply them by .480 of a Kilogram. I haven't worked out the equivilent in lbs but the principle is the same.

You will be amazed how many wrinkles you will get rid of when you put on 15 kilos.

The combination of the extra weight and gravity just sucks them wrinkles right out. I can see marketing this idea could be a bit of a challenge so if any of you people out there have any ideas, send me a mail.

Putting up a set of shelves

It doesn’t matter where you are in the world just about every guy is a handy man. Also true, worldwide, is that anybody who looks at this work automatically becomes a self appointed critic!!! Take for example a simple job like putting up a set of shelves on the back wall of the laundry. All the books and manuals will tell you how to find the studs, where to put the screws and all the technical stuff you will need to know to complete the job. They will even tell you how to draw the lines on the wall so you can get those shelves all kinds of level and here lies the problem if you are just an ordinary bloke like me. You can guarantee that if one bracket is fixed only 1 millimetre away from the line you have drawn or the shelf itself is less than ½ an inch lower than the horizontal line someone will see it and feel the need to comment. This is a universal trait but don’t worry folks I have the answer. What you do is fix the shelves to the wall so they look good then draw the lines afterward. You have to be right!!!

There could be one slight draw-back if the shelves are slightly off plum and some smart-arse feels the need to comment. To handle this one you don’t say a word, just hand them your glasses.

***Refer to 'House Fence' in Book # 5 to see how to build things without a ruler.